When I assume I know what you’re going to say, I cut off dialogue and this leads to mistrust, confusion and conflict. Why should I bring this thing that’s bothering me to my wife, husband, child, boss or parent? I already know what they’re going to say, how they’re going to say it and the end result. Because I am a MIND READER.
No you’re not a mind reader and if you are mind reading, stop and consider the idea that assumptions are the termites of relationships. Instead simply be curious and kind. When someone says something to you, or texts/emails you and you’re not sure what their intentions are, simply ask a question instead of jumping to conclusions or getting defensive or fighting back with sarcasm or defensiveness.
What I hear you saying is…
What’s coming up for you that you’re asking me this?
Are you saying?…..
Did you mean? …..
Ask questions, stay curious. be kind, stop being defensive and be more empathic. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a few seconds and ask yourself, “If I react this way what will be the consequences?” Am I improving my relationship by understanding or ruining it by being defensive, critical, full of contempt or stonewalling?