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  • DO YOU ALWAYS FEEL WHAT YOU VALUE

    DO YOU ALWAYS FEEL WHAT YOU VALUE

    BY ALLAN J. KATZ, LPC/CSAT
    Some people have a difficult time feeling what they believe they SHOULD feel because their logical thinking of what is proper, what I value, is blocked and does not reach the heart.  It’s as if there was a wall built at your neck blocking what you value from what you feel.

    The point is, what’s more important is the willingness to WANT TO FEEL love, affection, like someone cares about you, like you’re a priority.  It’s like the old Jewish expression, “A person doesn’t have to want, he has to want to want.”

    When we interact with others it’s important to ask, “What do you want?”  I don’t always FEEL what I VALUE but the willingness to WANT TO FEEL is what’s ultimately important in establishing a healthy relationship with another person.

    What gets in the way is that people connect behavior with a lack of caring about the other person.  If I don’t take out the garbage at the exact time you want me too, that means you don’t care about me!

    The fact is successful couples are the ones who are always curious about what the other person is bringing up.  When we assume we know what another person thinks or believes, it takes away all the curiosity and provokes tension and arguments.  “I already know what you’re going to say, so I’m going to be quiet and not even bring it up.”

    A good marriage is where you still don’t know everything about each other.  Statistics show that 70% of arguments are never resolved but when there is curiosity and a caring to listen to the other person, relationships thrive for a long time.

    Empathy goes a long way in showing who you’re speaking to is being heard instead of assuming you know what they’re going to say and becoming defensive and critical.

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