The few who choose the holy bond of matrimony in today’s society still struggle with the simple act of living well. Those who denounce marriage as simply a piece of paper, go from attraction to sexual intimacy quickly, then wonder why they can’t have a long-lasting relationship.
Couples or partners with shaky, argumentative relationships, dwell on what’s wrong with the other person, instead of looking inward to see what part they are playing. For most couples, arguments are over trivial matters, like “why didn’t you put the cap back on the toothpaste” which in the grand scheme of things will not matter in a few days, weeks, or months. Think about the trivia you argue about and will it really matter a few days in the future? And if not, forget it and move on.
In some conflictual relationships, couples dwell on the problem, constantly bringing up the past not allowing for open discussion where each party feels listened to. What is wrong with marriage today is couples don’t spend enough time simply living, enjoying each other’s company, talking, and sharing fun moments together. Instead they become mired in what is wrong with their marriage instead of the simple act of living well, in peace, harmony and serenity.
Even when there is infidelity, there is time, especially during this pandemic, to share experiences, games, hobbies, and playful moments where fixing the problem is not the center of attention. There has to be time to question and explain how you both got to this point, but it doesn’t have to be the center of your universe for the rest of your life.
Study instead how to enjoy life.
- Don’t take the simple wonders of nature for granted.
- Discover what makes you happy and do it.
- Become a giver rather than expecting others to fulfill all your needs.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt instead of judging and comparing yourself to others.
- Discover the art of completion; finding a project, hobby, course or volunteer opportunity you can do together, complete and feel good about your mutual
- Put down your cell phone and stay off your computer and spend time with your spouse and children. How did you feel growing up when your parents ignored you or gave you no emotional support?
There are eight stages of intimacy, (sex is #7), all of which are important in establishing a long-term relationship. They include having similar interests, goals, and dreams. Being able to talk to each other and at the same time, enjoy being apart from each other without jealousy and mistrust. Having similar beliefs, ethics, morals and values. Being able to trust one another and feel safe in your own home.
What blocks intimacy for couples is lack of trust, need for control and low self-esteem. When you can provide trust for your spouse, give up having to control every situation and boost your self-esteem, you’re ready to live a life with peace of mind and serenity, even amidst the chaos and uncertainty about the future surrounding us all.