Why do people who have a “good childhoods” become addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping, video games and excitement?  Little Johnny grew up without any rules or consequences as a young boy.  He could practically do whatever he wanted while his parents were busy working.  He was always told he was a “good boy” […]

How did the human race begin, the little boy asked mom? Mom:  G-d created man from the dust of the earth, took out a rib and made woman.  They got together and started the human race. The little boy went to dad and asked him, how did the human race begin? Dad: The human race […]

Rigorous Honesty The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes how addictive thinking  convinces the addict that they can manage their own recovery.  In the chapter of How It Works it is written, half measures availed us nothing, we stood at the turning point.  This means to recover from any type of addiction you have to […]

There is a common expression that we criticize others for things  we do ourselves.  In relationships we deceive ourselves into believing that the secret things we do,  do not affect our primary relationship.  Yet, according to Alex Katehakis, CEO of the Center for Healthy Sex, we hide the truth from ourselves so we can manipulate […]

People across cultures, religions and groups have engaged in infidelity since the beginning of time. In today’s society, the temptation is exacerbated by the sexualization and objectification of men and women in media, news, TV, movies, advertising, pornography, and online video chats. Dating sites are a kinder, gentler way of facilitating hook ups, affairs, and […]

The institution of marriage as we know it is rapidly deteriorating. Our society has invented a new jargon for the sacred union between two people. In this society dating means being physically intimate. “Hanging out” is what we old people used to call dating. Chilling means sitting around and doing absolutely nothing all day. Monogamy […]

In my couple’s intake survey, I have new clients rate their partnership satisfaction from Very Dissatisfied to Very Satisfied and everything in between. Invariably, I see a lot of couples who are extremely dissatisfied with closeness, attention, arguments and respect for each other, but the sex is good! This tells me some very important and […]

The Tale of the Narcissistic Betrayer There are several factors to consider with the “when is enough enough” dilemma. The betrayed partner has the right to express her anger, ask why this happened and hold on to her feelings of being traumatized by her partner’s actions. But, how long does asking for more details, verbal […]

The failure of early narcissism leads to shame. Shame is an unmet childhood need and when a child grows up and becomes an adult, the need grows until it is fulfilled by someone or by some behavior.
When a narcissistic adult feels a negative emotion, they will act out with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, etc. over the unmet needs related to shame. Even when they have a positive emotion, they may act out, feeling they don’t deserve to have goodness and positivity in their lives.

Addiction is a futile attempt to get a person’s needs met. In fantasy a person can control the situation and never have to feel they’ve failed. People have affairs and act out sexually because it’s a controllable situation, “I get my needs met and don’t have to deal with the demanding chaos at home.”

It’s not your body you have to control, it’s your mind. Switch your thinking and your body will heal. You can only have one thought in your mind at a time. Use your mind for a change!!!!! The key to recovery from addiction and gaining serenity is to live in the moment, just for today, […]