In my couple’s intake survey, I have new clients rate their partnership satisfaction from Very Dissatisfied to Very Satisfied and everything in between. Invariably, I see a lot of couples who are extremely dissatisfied with closeness, attention, arguments and respect for each other, but the sex is good! This tells me some very important and […]

The Tale of the Narcissistic Betrayer There are several factors to consider with the “when is enough enough” dilemma. The betrayed partner has the right to express her anger, ask why this happened and hold on to her feelings of being traumatized by her partner’s actions. But, how long does asking for more details, verbal […]

The failure of early narcissism leads to shame. Shame is an unmet childhood need and when a child grows up and becomes an adult, the need grows until it is fulfilled by someone or by some behavior.
When a narcissistic adult feels a negative emotion, they will act out with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, etc. over the unmet needs related to shame. Even when they have a positive emotion, they may act out, feeling they don’t deserve to have goodness and positivity in their lives.

Addiction is a futile attempt to get a person’s needs met. In fantasy a person can control the situation and never have to feel they’ve failed. People have affairs and act out sexually because it’s a controllable situation, “I get my needs met and don’t have to deal with the demanding chaos at home.”

It’s not your body you have to control, it’s your mind. Switch your thinking and your body will heal. You can only have one thought in your mind at a time. Use your mind for a change!!!!! The key to recovery from addiction and gaining serenity is to live in the moment, just for today, […]

There is a mysterious connection between trauma and addiction. Addiction can be caused by many factors including genetics, emotional abandonment or neglect, or growing up in a very strict household where you don’t have a voice to express feelings. For a small child, growing up not being able to express feelings or not having your […]

Depression can be a scary diagnosis, especially in this stigmatized world we live in. But, in fact, although it is a state of mind which affects your energy level, there is no real evidence that it has biological causes. So if there is no evidence of a physical cause, the term depression as a disease […]

Many of us wonder, how did I end up with an addiction. One of the reasons is rooted in what we call attachment theory. Addiction is misguided attachment, when our need for attachment to a parent or role model goes unmet, we attach to other people who can meet our needs or we end up […]

I have always been a seeker of details, sometimes to my own detriment, sometimes surprise reveals the uniqueness of the storehouse of knowledge I have compared to others. In fact, I know so much, I’ve recently discovered that comparing myself to others is actually destructive. It leads to depression and negativity. You would think that […]

To keep your relationship brimming with love in the loving cup. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. Whenever you’re right, shut up. – Ogden Nash 1. If you can agree on what constitutes a clean kitchen, you can agree on anything. Present company excluded of course but most of my clients argue over the most minute […]

Janae B. Weinhold, PhD, LPC writes in Colunselor Magazine describing the connection between trauma, addiction and intimacy. Authentic intimacy reflects an inner journey where couples feel safe to talk about their deepest, personal feelings without judgment, criticism, ridicule or betrayal. The question is “why do people have such a problem with intimacy?” For thirty-three years […]