To keep your relationship brimming with love in the loving cup. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. Whenever you’re right, shut up. – Ogden Nash 1. If you can agree on what constitutes a clean kitchen, you can agree on anything. Present company excluded of course but most of my clients argue over the most minute […]

Janae B. Weinhold, PhD, LPC writes in Colunselor Magazine describing the connection between trauma, addiction and intimacy. Authentic intimacy reflects an inner journey where couples feel safe to talk about their deepest, personal feelings without judgment, criticism, ridicule or betrayal. The question is “why do people have such a problem with intimacy?” For thirty-three years […]

Part of my own journey has been finding my voice. Giving myself permission to be more assertive. It’s scary because sometimes I feel I will be told “NO” or someone might not like me. But as I’ve grown in maturity I’ve discovered that assertiveness actually creates the opposite effect. Let me explain. It’s kind of […]

According to a survey, published November 9, 2018 in JAMA Network Open, 8.6 percent of people report experiencing distress or feeling unable to function normally due to problems controlling their sexual urges, feelings, and behaviors. Interpreting the survey results exposes issues that plague the entire field of this research. Sexual addiction is on the rise due to the availability and anonymity of pornography on the internet.

I never thought about loneliness as a trigger for addiction. Then I heard this TED talk yesterday from Rachel Wurzman entitled, “How isolation fuels opioid addiction.” Then it all began to make sense. Isolation breeds loneliness and loneliness affects connection, intimacy and attachment negatively. People can be lonely in a crowd of people and loneliness […]

I am where I am supposed to be  When we attempt to push away negative feelings they simply develop greater power and energy over us. What we resist, persists. Many people believe they can live their lives avoiding any form of pain or suffering, loss or monetary woes. Well, life doesn’t work that way. We […]

Perfectionism is all about fear Feeling we have to be perfect is all about fear. Old messages bombard us with warnings we may not be good enough or ‘what will other people think?’ Other people procrastinate because of childhood messages of “do it perfectly or not at all.” This pressure hinders creativity and causes us […]

Putting off until tomorrow what you can accomplish today Procrastination is closely related to perfectionism. We procrastinate because of anxiety and fear of failure. There is a positive correlation between procrastination and self-handicapping, task avoidance, perfectionism, irrational beliefs, and depression. Lack of incentives increase procrastination. Every behavior has a positive intention. Excellent students for example […]

I lead a group on Monday nights with a group of clients who have cheated on their wives by engaging in affairs, sexting, pornography, prostitution (nicely called escorting) and other forms of sexual or emotional affairs, i.e. acting out.  We typically discuss ways to build the trust back with their wives and talk about current […]